Caregiver Burnout, is this you?

Over the last few years, I began noticing something that I couldn't quite name. I didn't feel like myself. I was persistently exhausted, not the kind that a weekend fixes, but a bone deep tired that made everything feel heavier. I felt sad, foggy, drained of energy, clarity, concentration and vision. Decision making? FORGET IT! Even the smallest of choices felt like climbing mountains.

I found myself being irritated at the little things, emotionally numb to the big things and confused as to why I was feeling this way. I joked about retirement looking better and better, even though I loved what I did and I wasn't ready to let go! Caring for people is where I thrive. Volunteering, church, hospital leadership, patients and families, friends and of course my loved ones.

And if I'm being honest, the group that took the back seat are my own loved ones. And for me, I was riding in the last seat on that struggle bus!

People would ask, "Why this? or Why that?".

My answer was always the same "I don't know, I'm exhausted".

The follow up question was always, "But why?".

And again my response, "I don't know why, I'm just so exhausted".

My brain was in perpetual fog. Nothing was clear. It took all I had just to get up and get going in the morning. And just to set the record straight, this wasn't "just the M word", that ship had long since sailed!

I knew in my heart that something had to change.

So a year ago, I stepped away from a place and a group of people that I loved.

Leaving the stress behind was a shock! The familiar rhythm of my days was suddenly gone and the people I spent most of my time with were moving on with their lives, and boy did I miss them! I was left feeling lost and the sadness only increased.

For days, I sat outside in the yard in my lawn chair, just watching and listening to the world around me. After about a week, I started taking early morning walks. I listened to music. I noticed how beautiful the sky was before the world woke up. That tiny spark of beauty gave me just enough encouragement to get up and keep going.

Slowly, I began creating a new reality and new journey to go with it.

I met friends for breakfast or lunch, and sometimes dinner.

I painted offices at the church.

I tagged along on a couple of my husband's business trips just to get out of the house.

I went on a mission trip to help in North Carolina.

I was able to spend more time with the grands!

I began reading again.

I caught up on all my doctor's appointments.

And I finally did the dreaded sleep study.

I had known for years that I probably needed one, but discovering that I was having 44 apneic episodes an hour (aka. Severe Sleep Apnea) was another shock! I wasn't getting the deep sleep my body so desperately needed.

So, I found a new bedtime friend: the CPAP machine - Thank you Dr. Garimella, I am forever grateful for the push!

And that's where this story really begins, because burnout isn't just emotional. It's physical. It's spiritual. It's systemic. And it sneaks up on the people who are used to being the strong one!

This is part one of my journey!

Next, I'll share what I learned about Caregiver Burnout, and how I slowly found my way back to myself!

Love, Cheryl